10 Tips For Raising Happy Parents

by Julianne Idleman

handinhandparenting.org

It’s no secret that parenting well is a complex art form and each of us brings our own unique style and beliefs into the day to day raising of the children in our lives. But here are ten ways of thinking about your parenting career that can help, no matter what your style or the current age of your “baby”.

1. Your work as a parent needs and deserves lots of support from family, friends, neighbors, employers and the greater community around you. Your children need other caring adults in their lives and you need and deserve respect, rest, and relaxation.

2. Parenting can be especially difficult in the same areas where you faced challenges in your own childhood. It’s not fair, but science demonstrates it again and again. The spots in your growing-up that were rough are likely to be hard on you when your children go through similar things. You need and deserve special support and a caring listener as you face these challenges together with your children.

3. Paying careful attention to your past or present challenges improves your relationships with your children. The fascinating research on the Adult Attachment Interview conducted over the last several decades demonstrates how helping parents understand their own personal histories creates better attachment relationships in their children. You can help another parent—and their whole family—whenever you can take the time to carefully listen to their struggles, and they can help you in the same way.

4. Crying is good, normal and healthy. Crying is communication. Crying and upset are part of a normal cycle of stress reduction. Tears are composed of stress hormones that are literally being washed out of your body as you cry. Children who are allowed to cry with the loving support of an adult complete this natural cycle and return to clear thinking and cooperative action quickly with improved ability to solve problems.

5. Tantrums are healthy and healing. I know this one may take some time to get your mind around, but here’s the thing—when you cultivate a relationship with your child that allows for acceptance of all feelings, even though you obviously can’t accept all behavior, you increase your child’s emotional intelligence, resilience and self-acceptance.

6. Limits should be set early, at the first whiff of off-track behavior. Before you are aggravated, before the kids are “driving you nuts,” you can bring your limits.

7. Limits can be set gently, warmly, even playfully. You are in charge of the rules, but you don’t have to wait until you are angry to set a limit. You don’t have to use a stern voice, threaten or intimidate. Children want good relationships with the adults who care for them. Your children want to be with you, to laugh and enjoy your time together, to cooperate, play, and have fun.

8. Time-Out promotes disconnection, encourages emotional repression and damages relationships. Solitary confinement is a punishment for a reason. Human beings are not built to go it alone, especially in times of emotional upset.

9. Spanking produces negative long-term results for both children and parents. If you’ve ever been hit, you know this. But don’t take my word for it, ask your pediatrician.

10. Paying thoughtful attention as children express their authentic emotional experience is the best way to support their development and growing emotional intelligence. You don’t even need to understand the reason behind an upset or an unworkable behavior in order to help a child with the underlying feelings. Children are smart. They will figure out what they need to express, share it, and go on about their business lighter, happier, and with a stronger trust in their relationship with you.

To Discipline or not to Discipline

I was just reading an article about spanking your child in public when they are misbehaving.
It is really tough in this day and age. People are so judgmental, they look at you and criticize when they do not even know the whole situation. Most of them are not parents themselves or else they would not be judging or criticizing. I know when I am out and I see a child acting out, I am so thankful because then I know that I am not the only mom who has a child that acts like that. I also feel a little comforted in the fact that I am not the only mom who goes through it. Okay and so the thought also crosses my mind, "I'm glad it's not mine." How many of you parents have ever said that when you see a child throwing a full blown temper tantrum? Why is it when another child is throwing a temper tantrum it does not seem as bad as a situation as when it is your child? It is because you are not emotionally involved and suffering the eyes and ridicule that is being placed upon you.
Okay so back to the question. Is it okay to spank your child?
Spanking is a form of discipline to place on your child. People view it as beating your child. They get Child Protection Services on the phone in a heart beat. Some people have had there children taken away for spanking them.
To go further from spanking, what about those people that butt in at the store when you are yelling at your child. Has America become that we are not allowed to discipline our children. I understand verbally abusing your child is not okay, but telling your child that they are not behaving and if they do not straighten up then they will be going to bed early to night, or what ever type of punishment you give your child. I think that is totally okay. Sometimes the situation is that you have been in Walmart for way to long dealing with the crowded isles and rude people, while the whole time listening to your child whine and throw little tantrums, when finally you have come to your whits end.
If we do not discipline our children what type of children do they become. Some feel that they just want to be there child's best friend and think they should learn discipline elsewhere. When I was at work the other day, my co-worker mentioned that there were some things she did not teach her child or talk about with him because she did not want to go there and was hoping that he learned it at school. One of the topics was sex education, another one was cheating.
Maybe some parents don't want to think of there children of doing anything bad so they do not want to talk to them about it. I was watching an episode of Wife Swap and this lady had 4 boys that where completely disrespectful, wild and misbehaved any where they went. The parents said they never wanted to see there kids unhappy so they let them do what ever they wanted and never wanted to punish them.
So many children act as though they can do anything and are so disrespectful of there teachers and other adults. When I was a child we only called adults by there last name. (Mrs. or Mr. Smith, for example). My kids preschool teachers have them call them by first name. It bugs my dad and he tries to in force to my children that grown ups are Mr. or Mrs.
Many parents just want to be there child's best friend. They do not take responsibility for their child's actions. I do not agree with spanking your child but I do think they need to know that there are consequences to their actions and it is important to follow through. I do have to admit there have been times when spanking has crossed my mind and a good thump ends up happening.
I hate when I hear a parent making threats constantly and not following through. "If you don't stop you are going to be put in time out." So you say that to your child about 10 times while they are doing the action. They are going to know that mom/dad doesn't follow through and they are just talking, so whatever.
Kids need routine, they need structure, they need guidelines. The discipline does not have to be spanking, yelling or any kind of negative punishment. There are alternatives. I believe they need to be able to make choices and they are accountable for their choices. If they do not want to clean their room explain to them that they have a choice. They can clean their room or they can choose to not watch TV later on in the evening. If they do not clean their room explain to them that they made the choice to not watch TV and they need to find something else to do. Positive discipline is important. Using reward charts for good behavior. Praising your child when they are doing things you want them to do. If you focus all your energy on their bad behavior and never praise them when they are behaving and doing good things they will think you do not care about the good behavior. Children want your attention whether it is positive or negative.
I would love feed back on this topic. Please leave comments.


GET SUCCESSFUL PARENTING TIPS NOW

What's Behind the "Terrible Twos"

By the editors of Child magazine

Despite their reputation, toddlers usually exhibit only sporadic periods of difficulty. We explain what causes the outbursts.

Although you have probably heard of the "terrible twos," there are, in fact, only intermittent periods of difficulty. The interval between 18 and 21 months often brings temper tantrums and defiance, but these behaviors usually subside by the second birthday. Then, starting at roughly 2 1/2, your child may enter a period of extremes. Some days, she'll be sunny and helpful. At other times, temper tantrums, whining, and defiance will prevail. The situation usually worsens with fatigue or a change in your child's daily or nightly routine.

What's behind these dramatic mood swings? Most outbursts result from sheer frustration. Increasingly, your 2-year-old feels a powerful need to be independent. But in most situations, she's unable to control her environment or be self-reliant, and she lacks the reasoning ability to come to terms with the situation.

After all, why should she have to go to bed when you tell her to? She can't yet understand most cause-and-effect relationships, such as the fact that a lack of sleep will make her tired.
Your 2-year-old doesn't win high marks for keeping her feelings in check, either. She truly is an open book, and that is part of her charm. Is she happy? Everyone around her will know it as she spreads good cheer. Is she less than pleased? That's plain to those witnessing tears or a tantrum. At this stage, though progressing in the right direction, she still lacks mastery over her emotions.

Instead of viewing a 2-year-old as "terrible," then, rejoice in the fact that all the frenetic energy, defiance, and self-preoccupation that come at this age are part of normal, healthy development. Arm yourself with the tools of the toddler-parenting trade: a well-developed sense of humor, patience, an abundance of love and reassurance, firmness as needed, and, above all, consistency. And remember, the most effective way a toddler learns rules is by breaking them, so her attempts to defy you can actually afford you many opportunities to teach. The best lesson you can impart at these times is to help your child understand that her actions have consequences, that she can be effective in her behavior. Have patience and be consistent, and soon she'll come to differentiate the good consequences from the bad.

For more information about the "Terrible Twos" and parenting toddlers
Click Here!

Terrible Twos - Toddler Tantrums

article by
Valerie Powers
from the Orlando Early Childhood Parenting Examiner

Recently, a celebrity likened having a toddler, to being around a "miniature drunk," all of the time. He was spot on with that assessment, because it is true. Irrational, clingy, boisterous, irresponsible and stumbling into things; this describes toddlerhood. 24/7. You can also expect odd behaviors such as undressing, undiapering (ick!), yelling, hitting...the list of naughtiness really is limitless. Sometimes it's funny, and sometimes it's stressful. How you cope with this time, well, that's another thing.
Parents should know that the dreaded "terrible twos" are actually completely normal developmentally, for your child. Dr. Greene, a renowned pediatrician, says that children at this age are still learning to make appropriate choices. And by limiting some of their options; you will curb some (not all) of their tantrums. Frequently, these outbursts of unruly behavior are caused by your toddler's inability to articulate themselves; they grow frustrated and react boldly.
Something to keep in mind, is that this "terrible" time can extend into age three (or it can commence before age two). Here are some tips for curtailing tantrums and unruly behavior:

• Set a routine each day, and stick to it - this gives your toddler some normalcy
• Limit sugary snacks and offer up healthy foods to keep blood sugar regulated
• Offer limited choices for each quandary; this eliminates some arguing
• Set limits, and be prepared to offer up consequences when these limits are pushed (such as implementing a time-out or toy removal policy)
• Toddler-proof your environment to avoid scuffles

Now is the time to really connect with your little one and focus on building communication skills. Some folks insist that Baby Sign Language, is the key to building your child's vocabulary, emotional and intellectual development. Additionally, proponents of Baby Sign Language tout the benefits of BSL helping to eliminate tantrums; it is said that the improved communication between parent/baby will enhance relationships.
If you find yourself in the throes of a tantrum, experts recommend that you remain calm. Refrain from yelling and getting visibly upset. It is said parents should be consistent with their reactions to their toddler's tantrums and behavior; this helps calm your toddler down. For those of you coping with a toddler that was born prematurely; know that your wee one will still go through this phase at some point - it will just probably be delayed depending upon your child's corrected age.

Parents should go easy on their toddler during this tumultuous time; remember that your wee one is mastering skills such as: coordination, eating independently, dressing, potty-training and more. That is a lot for a little person to cope with, so be patient.
Be sure to give yourself a break - and your toddler, too. Send your child to visit grandparents for the weekend, and take the time to relax and get rejuvenated. Toddlers also crave a change of pace and scenery, so an occasional break for each of you is definitely a healthy bet. And remember: toddlerhood is just a stage of development, so embrace the goodness that comes along with it, too...before it's long gone!


For more info click here