Sit-Down Games

Buy yourself some couch time with these easy games

By Melody Warnick 

You need a breather after chasing your child for hours -- but what if she's still raring to go? Buy yourself some couch time with these easy games:

Follow the leader. No marching required! Just have your child imitate upper-body movements, like clapping hands or waving arms. When she gets the hang of it, have her mimic a series of claps, waves, knee slaps, shoulder shrugs, and head nods.

Scavenger hunt. Draw pictures of household objects, like a cup, a hairbrush, and a pillow, then time your kid as she searches for the real things.

Sound off. Do your best impression of an animal ("Woof!") and ask your toddler to guess what you are. Once she gets it right, let her copy your sound, then move on to another animal.

Ball game. Sit on opposite ends of the sofa, then roll a ball between you, naming a new color each time one of you gets the ball. Let your kid chase after it if it falls.

Stick together. Draw a shape on a sticky note and have your child attach it to something that has that shape, like a plate for a circle or a book for a rectangle.

Sock it to me. Hold open an empty laundry bag while your child tries to score baskets using rolled-up socks. Gradually change the size of the bag's opening from large to small to keep the game interesting.

Don't wake the giant. Pretend to sleep while letting your toddler try to steal your blanket without "waking" you. Shift around and snore to build suspense, then roll over with a roar and tickle her silly. The only challenge? Not actually falling asleep.

The Importance of Children Being Active

It's easy to see why kids these days are often too involved with watching television, playing video games or playing on the computer. It's what many of the adults in their lives do as well.

The problem is that children need to engage in active play as a part of their development. It helps build physical, social, intellectual and emotional skills. 

It's easy to tell yourself that you're doing well by your child to give access to educational television programs and computer games. There's even some truth to that at appropriate ages. But these cannot take the place of what is learned and accomplished with active play. It's a different kind of learning than what is done on a screen.

Active play builds both large and small motor skills, for example. There's a lot of skill that goes into something eventually as simple as catching a gently tossed ball. Just think how difficult it is for a toddler to play catch at first. But eventually the skill is learned and balls are caught.

Active play also allows children to increase their agility, coordination, balance and overall physical fitness.

7 reasons why you should prioritize children being active -

1. Activity increases self-confidence and self-belief, an extremely important part of development that will cultivate friendships and leadership qualities
2. Activity will enhance concentration for learning and understanding new challenges - it keeps the brain fresh
3. Activity burns body fats for energy, keeping your child fitter and leaner
4. Activity over a sustained period will develop passions and interests that help maintain a balanced lifestyle for today and into the future
5. Activity will lessen the chance of health-related disease such as diabetes and skin conditions
6. Activity with parents will strengthen the bond between child and parent
7. Activity with parents will help develop a healthy relationship around behavioral patterns and in turn develop a happier, healthier child

If you are not sure what kind of activities to do check out this great article.

PUT DOWN THE CONTROLLER: 15 IDEAS TO GET YOUR CHILD TO PLAY OUTSIDE

Encourage Young Siblings to Share

At this time of year when kids are getting new toys sometimes refereeing is the never-ending game of which toy belongs to whom. These steps can help you spend more time playing and less time blowing the whistle.

Step One Set aside a specific time when you will interact and play with your children. Young children learn and remember best when a parent works with them directly for consistent periods of time.

Step Two Suggest some toys to play with, and help your children get them out.

Step Three Bring the toys to an open area so you all have room to play.

Step Four Establish a positive and constructive play activity while letting your children remain in control of their play. If you want your children to play with blocks instead of climbing on the furniture, start building a tower.

Step Five Monitor your children and their play. Watch for an older sibling teasing a younger one. Keep mental notes of how long a turn one child takes with a toy other siblings want to play with.

Step Six If one child takes a toy from another, give the upset child a toy the other child likes. If she also tries to take away that toy, tell her she must give one of the two toys to the upset child. Explain that sharing is fair.

Step Seven If a child refuses to share toys, place her in a time-out area - a predesignated spot, separate from the play area, where she can be alone, calm down, and get ready to return in a more cooperative mood. She must give the upset child a toy and apologize before returning to play.

Step Eight Praise your child for sharing or helping independently. Say things like, 'What a good sharer you are. Nice manners!'

Step Nine Follow these steps during playtime and use them during the course of the day to reinforce the skill of sharing.

Tips & Warnings

            Maintain a calm, neutral tone when explaining how sharing works: 'It is nice manners to share. Look how Tommy gets upset when you take away a toy. Please be nice and share with your brother.'

            Try to use positive terms by telling your children what you want them to do instead of telling them what you don't want them to do. For example, say 'Please give Tommy a truck to play with' instead of 'Don't take that away!'

Child Behavior Modification - When To Let It Go

By Colleen Langenfeld 

Behavior modification in children is a tremendously useful tool but it is certainly NOT a magic wand. Behavior modification falls under the category of good, old-fashioned hard work.

When a child has worked hard, he needs a break. (Not to be confused with wanting the break before doing the hard work, however.)

Knowing when to let the training go and take a breather and how to do that is a helpful skill to learn as a parent. Let's take a closer look.

- When to let go.

Sometimes a child has genuinely worked very hard on changing her behavior and frankly, she's tired of the whole process.

The key to knowing when to take a breather is knowing your own child. Has she been truly working on what you've asked her to work on?

Are there extenuating circumstances? Extra homework? Feeling sick? Simply going too hard for too long?

You definitely want to have compassion for your child. However, you don't want to be feeling sorry for your child. Do you understand the difference?

Certainly a child needs to be rewarded for working hard on behavior modification issues. An appropriate reward - choosing dinner for the family, getting to play extra with a friend, etc. - can help a child stay motivated on working forward. Always, always catch your kids being good and tell them so!

Likewise, when your child is feeling - and acting - overwhelmed, have a system in place for working towards calm again. It can be a ten-minute hug, time in a quiet place until calm returns, or any other structure that your child and you have decided works, but whatever it is, use it.

The middle of a meltdown or a moment of acting out specifically due to overwhelm is a very important time in behavior modification. That's the moment to show your child how to step back and take a break, but without going out of control. A child has to learn how to handle his distressing feelings and then know what to do afterwards. It's not the moment for pushing harder, but for learning to let go and regroup.

So, when the frustrating moment has passed, sit down together and discuss whatever triggered this incident. Decide right then how to take care of that trigger. If it's homework, it still must be done (make a plan). If an interaction with a sibling was the trigger, relationships must be repaired (make a plan). This has the effect of keeping accountability in the situation while still working with the reality of the moment (i.e. your child had a meltdown).

It also gives a child valuable instruction on what to do next time this situation comes up and of course, it will. That's life. And frankly, those are the moments when change can actually occur, when frustrations come up. Guide your child into seeing that this change is beneficial for him and the more he cooperates, the more the two of you can find solutions that work - together.

Behavior modification in children is a practical approach to helping your child gain self-control through incremental change. You'll need patience (you knew that!), flexibility, a determination to succeed. A sturdy sense of humor doesn't hurt, either.

Your child will be amazed as he learns he is totally capable of handling himself and making changes in his own behavior that benefit him and make his life better.

That's called growing up and every child deserves the best shot at it possible. Colleen Langenfeld has raised 4 kids and can help you enjoy your mothering more at http://www.paintedgold.com. Do you know your child as well as you would like? Get a free report on reconnecting with your kids plus grab more child behavior modification strategies today.

Bedtime Without Struggling

- by Kathryn Kvols and Helen Hall, RN, MSN, CFNP

"Zachary, time for bed." "NO!" Two year old Zachary responds, running toward the playroom. Mother follows close behind, pleading, "It's time for bed, honey. C'mon, now."

"No, Mommy, no!" squeals Zachary as Mother swoops down to pick him up. Zachary's body stiffens, his back arches, and he begins kicking his feet in order to free himself of her tightening grip. Wildly, Zachary kicks his Mother as he struggles to get loose.

"Stop it! You're going to bed, NOW!" Mother declares, not to be outdone by her child's resistant behavior. Zachary begins to cry loudly as Mother, somewhat beaten and greatly exasperated, pulls off his clothes for his impending bath. This emotional and physical power struggle continues through Zachary's bath, pajamas, tooth brushing, and abruptly ends with a token kiss.

Exhausted and frustrated, Mother proceeds down the stairs hopeful for some solitude, only to hear, "Mommmmy, I want a drink. Me go potty!" Feeling guilty and yet, still angry, Mother hurriedly responds with the requested water and a brisk trip to the bathroom. Mother sets him on the bed and says evenly, "Don't let me hear another word. Good night!" Mother stomps down the stairs after slamming his door. Zachary is left huddled on his bed, crying into his pillow and Mother feels guilty and frustrated in front of the television.

Now, look at this same scene through the eyes of the child - in this case Zachary. We parents get accustomed to looking at this scene through our "adult eyes" and miss the opportunity to understand from our child's perspective.

Imagine that you are in the middle of a good book and your spouse says, "It's time for bed." In spite of your response, "No, I'm not ready just yet," you are helped unwillingly up the stairs, your clothes are removed and you are forced into taking a bath. Consider how you are feeling. Are you feeling disrespected, violated, angry, devalued or controlled? You may be thinking, "Yes, but a two-year-old doesn't feel this way - it's not the same, he's not an adult, besides, I'm the parent."

True, the child is not yet an adult. However he IS a person, has feelings and is at an important growth stage of wanting independence and experimenting with how to have his choices be known and honored. This is the beginning of his being an individual - he is establishing his separateness from his parents and is exploring his competence and capabilities.

Many times going to bed is not the issue, he may be tired and ready. Yet the command of being told what to do and when to do it brings up a feeling of being controlled. Isn't it true that this is often our reaction as adults when we are "commanded" in the same way? The issue becomes one of wanting control over ourselves and what happens to us. In this scene with Zachary and Mother, Zachary does not feel understood and it causes the struggle to escalate. Also, as Mother continues to overpower Zachary, he feels unloved and rejected and Mother is left feeling pretty much the same way.

Bedtime can be a special time between children and parents as it is natural for us to desire closeness or connectedness before going to sleep. Often times, however, parents have over-burdened themselves during the day and so they are eager to get the child in bed as soon as possible so they can have some quiet time for themselves. This can cause the child to feel that his parents are trying to "get rid of him." In our bedtime struggle story, Zachary's desire for more closeness is expressed through wanting a drink and "going potty" which results in more tension between he and his mom and both feeling hurt and rejected.

So, consider these questions: What did Zachary want in our story? More importantly, what does your child want?

• To declare his independence or sense of self.
• To feel close or connected with his parent.
• To feel a sense of control over what happens to him.
• To feel respected and heard.

How can you, as a parent, give your child what he wants and needs and still have him go to bed in a timely manner?

1. Respect your needs. Take care of yourself during the day so you are not feeling hassled and frazzled at your child's bedtime. Set your child's bedtime at an hour that allows you some solitude and/or "couple time"with your partner after your child goes to bed.
2. Whenever possible, have both parents be a part of the bedtime ritual. Bedtime is more fun and less of a burden when both parents participate.
3. Start your bedtime ritual forty-five minutes to one hour before your child's actual bedtime hour to avoid unnecessary stress and struggle. This process should be a winding down time, in other words, eliminate activities that would excite the child such as rough-housing or tickling.
4. Respect his sense of time by telling him that bedtime is in 15 minutes, allowing him to complete a particular activity before his actual bedtime hour.
5. Offer choices instead of orders. Your child will have a feeling of control over what happens to him when given choices. For example, you might say, "Do you want your dad to help you with your bath or me?" Or "Do you want to wear your red pajamas or your blue ones?" Or "Do you want to sleep with your gorilla or your kitty?"
6. Create a bedtime ritual with your child's help and advice. For example, read a story, snuggle, give three stuffed animals to kiss, give a hug and two kisses and leave the room singing a song. Routine is particularly important from at least 12 months of age through age two. The routine needs to have a quality of sameness or routine -- the same order or the same song -- to provide a sense of security.
7. Create closeness. For example:
• Talk about "Remember When," such as "Remember when we went camping and that raccoon got into our food?" Or "I remember when you were a baby and loved to have your tummy rubbed."
• Listen to your child's feeling about the day.
• Say three things that you love about eachother. Start each statement with, "What I love about you is..." and complete it with a specific thing that you love. For instance, "What I love about you is the way you helped put your books away today," or "What I love about you is the way your singing can lift my spirits."
8. Ask the following questions that allow your child to share more about himself:
• "What was the best thing that happened to you today?"
• "What was the worst thing that happened to you today?"
• "What was the silliest thing that happened to you today?"
9. Some children may talk more freely with the lights out. Try to discover what is most encouraging to your child in enhancing your communication together.
10. After you have completed your bedtime routine, leave your child's room. Explain to to your child ONCE when you start this new routine, "If you come out of the room for any reason other than emergency, I will lovingly guide or carry you back to your room." "I will not talk to you after saying goodnight and closing the bedroom door."

It is essential that you do not talk to your child after the bedtime routine is complete. Your child will pay more attention to your actions than your words. Further, if you continue to talk to your child, you are more likely to get into a verbal power struggle about going to bed. If you discover yourself saying, "Didn't you hear what I said? I told you to go to bed and I wasn't going to talk anymore!" Stop talking and take loving action by guiding your child back to bed. You may have to guide your child back to his room several times, particularly at the beginning because children will test their parents. However, as the week progresses, bedtime will become more pleasant for both you and your child.

You can make bedtime a time of nurturing, closeness, shared communication and fun. By involving your children in the decision-making process and spending this special time with them, they will feel valued and respected. By setting limits, you will gain the respect of your children and build their self-esteem.

Helen Hall is a pediatric Nurse Practitioner for the FM 1960 Pediatric Center and Learning/Development Center, both inHouston, Texas. Helen also teaches parenting educators through the International Network for Children and Families.


Kathryn Kvols is the president of the International Network for Children and Families and the author of Redirecting Children's Behavior. She is also a national speaker and workshop leader.

Early Childhood Education – More Than Daycare

If you are a single parent who must hold down a job (or, as is the "uniquely American" case oftentimes, two or three jobs) in order to provide for a family, it goes without saying that when it comes to toddlers and pre-schoolers especially, quality daycare is a necessity. But is it enough?

If you are among the fortunate enough to have family members or a neighbor who is willing to look after your very young child while you are on the job – or are able to hire a babysitter – your child is probably missing some important opportunities for intellectual growth. Yes, his/her physical needs for nourishment and protection are certainly being met, and there may be some socialization that occurs in a typical day care center, but many of them neglect learning activities that can stimulate cognitive function and give the child a firm foundation for furthering his/her education later in life.

It Starts On Day One

What happens to a child between birth and age five has a tremendous impact on their performance in school later on, this is a well known fact that Educators have long realized (even if policymakers refuse to acknowledge it). Sadly, although a recent policy decreed that "every child will enter school ready to learn," lawmakers on Capitol Hill were as usual very vague on how this is supposed to happen.

Research has proven that children may start learning even before birth; during the last trimester, the child may benefit from exposure to certain types of music as well as speech. The human brain undergoes rapid growth throughout the preschool years; it is safe to say that what happens to a child during the first five years of life largely shapes the adult s/he will become. At this stage of a child's life, s/he develops his/her basic language skills, a sense of self, his/her place in the group and the role of culture – all the basic tools required to function in a given society.

In short, the preschool years are those in which an elastic, malleable brain is "hardwired."

The Benefits

It has been clearly demonstrated that even one year of attendance at a certified preschool in which young children have opportunities for cognitive development through age-appropriate learning activities (such as educational games and other forms of constructive play) gives a child a tremendous advantage when they enter kindergarten. Such children have superior skills in reading, writing and speaking and mathematics – which are the foundation of every other subject. Additionally, children with a year or more of academic preschool have better social skills and are able to function better in a group setting. The effects of a quality preschool education will last a lifetime – and make it far more likely that the child will succeed as an adult in a Darwinian economic and social system in which every person is for him or herself and the only rule is "survival of the fittest."

Co-written by Emily Patterson and Kathleen Thomas

Emily and Kathleen are Communications Coordinators for the Atlanta day care facility, a member of the AdvancED® accredited family of Primrose Schools (located in 16 states throughout the U.S.) and part of the network of day care preschools delivering progressive, early childhood, Balanced Learning® curriculum.

My Kids Are Out of Control, HELP!

Are there any other moms out there that can help me with this?

My husband and I work opposite schedules. I work days and he works nights. I leave for work at 7:45 in the morning so my husband gets to do all the getting ready for school and taking the baby and two children to school. I get calls after he drops them off that the kids were fighting and biting all morning.  I have them pick out their clothes for school the night before and lay them out. I have to approve them of course. So when my husband tells me that my daughter went to school again in a skirt with shoes that require no socks. I am annoyed at my daughter once again. It is 40 degrees outside and raining. I just told her yesterday she needs to wear socks to school or I will take tickets out of her jar, a reward system we use. When I pick them up from school my husband leaves for work. We barely have a chance to talk. When I ask my husband what he does for discipline he says he separates them and tells them to stop. He does not use any of the positive reinforcement I tell him to use or the reward system I set up.

If they are caught being good they get a ticket. If they do something without being told they get 4 tickets. If we tell them to do something and they do it the first time being asked they get 3 tickets for each time they are asked it is one less ticket. If we have to keep asking they owe tickets. Fighting they have to give a ticket. They can buy things with their tickets. For example, 20 tickets is a Slurpee or an ice cream.

They act a little better for me but do not do what they are told most of the time. I have to ask a bunch of times to get anything done.  I feel like I am constantly struggling with them. My 4 year old gets really stubborn and does things on purpose just to make me angrier. My 7 year old just does what she wants. The reward system seems to not work anymore. I wish my husband and I could be consistent with the discipline but we are never together for me to show an example of how it works. I try to explain to him but he doesn't listen fully. I love my kids so much but lately I feel extremely frustrated.