Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Successful Parenting Tips - Child Anger Management

Guidelines for Successful Parents

From a number of research studies plus Tavris, the following guidelines are suggested for building child self-control and self-esteem.

1. Learn to deal with your own and others' anger.

When parents discipline out of anger or with expectations that are inappropriate for the age of their child, they often make mistakes in the way they react. The place to begin is with ourselves. When we feel calm, we can model effective anger and conflict management. Example: "I'm so angry at you right now for dumping your cereal all over the clean floor, I feel like hitting you. But I don't hit, so I'm going to leave and come back when I've calmed down."

2. Distract or redirect the child.

When a child is misbehaving, a calm parent can sometimes re-direct the child's behavior. Example: "Here's a bowl of warm water. Let's put it outside where you can splash all you want."

3. Be prompt and brief with discipline.

One technique you can use is to pick up and remove your small child from the room immediately and isolate him or her for two to five minutes. This also gives you time to get in control of your emotions. Two to five minutes are enough; lecturing is unnecessary. In rare circumstances, it may be helpful to physically hold the child. Be consistent in enforcing rules, especially with older, school-age children. Example: "I'm putting you in your room for 'time out' until you calm down and are ready to talk again." "I want you to go to your room now and stay there until you are ready to come out and use words to ask for what you want rather than spitting on people."

4. Try to discover the reason for your child's anger or temper tantrum.

What does he or she want and is not getting? The reasons children have temper tantrums vary: to get attention, get someone to listen, protest not getting their way, get out of doing something they do not want to do, punish a parent for going away, for power, for revenge, from fear of abandonment, etc. Let the child know the behavior is unacceptable. Talk calmly. Example: "Now that we're out of the store and we've both had a chance to calm down, let's talk. I think you were mad at me that I said no to buying the candy you wanted. Is that right?" ... "It is OK for you to be angry at me, but kicking, screaming and yelling that you want candy won’t work. It won’t get me to buy you the candy.”

5. Avoid shaming your child about being angry.

Children in healthy families are allowed to express all their feelings, whether they are pleasant or unpleasant.They are not criticized or punished for having and expressing feelings appropriately, including anger. Some research studies have found that parents' shaming their child's anger can negatively affect their child's willingness to relieve distress in others (10). Example: "You look and sound angry right now. I'd feel angry too if someone messed up my coloring like she messed up yours."

6. Teach children about intensity levels of anger.

By using different words to describe the intensity of angry feelings (e.g., annoyed, aggravated, irritated, frustrated, angry, furious, enraged), children as young as 2 1/2 can learn to understand that anger is a complex emotion with different levels of energy (10). Example: "I was annoyed when I had a hot meal ready and all of you were late for dinner." "That man was so angry -- I think he was enraged after someone spray painted his business with graffiti."

7. Set clear limits and high expectations for anger management, appropriate for your child's age, abilities, and temperament.

As parents, we will be angry all the time if we expect our 1-year-old to be toilet trained, our 2-year-old to use 5-year-old words rather than have a temper tantrum, our shy 8-year-old to be a life-of-the-party magician, and our low self-esteem 15-year-old to snap out of her depressed "funk" and run for Student Council President. Example: "While I want you to know it's OK to feel angry, it's not OK to hit others!" "I expect you to help with chores, control your anger without hitting, biting or spitting. I expect you to be honest and thoughtful of others, do your best in school, ask for what you want, and treat others as you would like to be treated."

8. Notice, compliment and reward appropriate behavior.

Teaching your child to do the right things is better (and easier) than constantly punishing bad behavior. Children who get a steady diet of attention only for bad behavior tend to repeat those behaviors because they learn that is the best way to get our attention, especially if we tend to be overly authoritarian. Example: "I really liked the way you asked Uncle Charlie to play ball with you." "Thanks, Ebony, for calling me beforehand and asking if you could change your plans and go over to your friend's house after school."

9. Maintain open communication with your child.

Consistently and firmly enforce rules and explain the reasons for the rules in words your child can understand. Still, you can listen well to your child's protests about having to take a national test or measles shot. Example: "Sounds like you are angry at the school rule that says you can't wear shorts, sandals and tank tops to school."

10. Teach understanding and empathy by calling your child's attention to the effects of his or her actions on others.

Invite the child to see the situation from the other person's point of view. Healthy children feel remorse when they do something that hurts another. Authoritative discipline helps them develop an internal sense of right and wrong. Remember, a little guilt goes a long way, especially with a child. Example: "Let's see if we can figure out what happened. First she did her 'nah, nah, nah routine.' Next, I saw you take her doll. Then she came and hit you, and you hit her back."


Monday, September 28, 2009

New Baby in the House

We had our baby last Wednesday, September 23 at 4:15 am. I had a natural labor and it went real quick. We had a girl 7 pounds 4 ounces and 19 inches long. She is absolutely beautiful. We are all adjusting well. My 6 year old and 4 year old absolutely love her and are so helpful. She sleeps well and eats well.

So now I need to focus on my Successful Parenting website and give some updates and useful articles.

Click Here For Helping Baby Sleep Through The Night!

Friday, September 4, 2009

Parenting - Daily Struggle

I struggle daily on whether or not I am being a good parent and whether or not I am raising my children to be strong individuals. It is so hard to stay in control when your children are challenging your sanity. I am listening to an audio series called Scream Free Parenting by Hal Runkel, LMFT. It teaches you to begin with your self and get yourself in the right place. If you have issues handle them first before handling the behavior issues you wish to address with your child. I have trouble with this because I feel like I am being selfish if I take time to be by myself or do things for myself. I believe a lot of moms feel this way. We feel like if we are not always there for our families then we are not doing our job.
I often find myself trying to keep my cool and not lash out on my kids. Especially at night. We have a nightly routine. We get in jammies, we brush our teeth, we have mellow time for a little while, then we read books and then it is bedtime. Bedtime is a horrible experience every night. My kids cry and say they don't love me and I am so mean to them and I do not let them do anything. They'll say things like I do not love them and stuff and then it is crying for quite along time. Mainly my six year old. My three year old it is only for a few minutes and then he stays in his bed. But my six year old she will throw things,cry really loud and hurt herself. I feel bad for my son because he has to listen to her. Last night I let him sleep on the couch and that made her even more mad.
When they are saying these things and throwing fits. I just want to freak out on them right back. It is really hard to walk away from them. I have found myself saying You think I do not do anything for you? I can show you how I do not do anything for you? Or I can show you how I do not allow you to do anything?
I do not believe that is helpful but sometimes it is really hard to control your emotions and reactions.
I get scared sometimes that I am about to have three soon. My husband and I work opposite shifts so he is not home at night , 6 nights a week. So I feel like I am going to have it in for me soon when I have three crying at bedtime.
I know this is not much of an advice post but maybe more of a venting post.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Drop your Pregnancy Weight

Many women have trouble losing their pregnancy pounds. Some think that right after the baby is born the pregnancy pounds will all go away. For some women it works that way and they only gain the pregnancy pounds in their tummy and lose it right away to be right back to their skinny selves. But for a lot of us women we gained weight all over.

One thing to realize is losing the weight will not happen overnight. It took nine months to gain the weight so it will take some time to lose it.
Consider breast feeding. This burns several calories a day plus it produces a hormone called prolactin which helps to shrink your uterus back to normal size faster. I know when I breast fed my first two babies. I would get so thirsty and hungry. I knew my calories where burning. Make sure to drink plenty of fluids and choose healthy snacks.
Take your baby for walks. This will be a great way to get outside and burn calories. You can also join or start a mommy / walking group. Where a group of new moms get together to walk the babies and get some excersise and adult interaction.
Choose your meals wisely. Make sure you eat healthy and watch your calories. If you eat more veggies, fruits and whole grains you will feel full quicker and longer. Start your morning out with a whole grain cereal and fruit. Keep veggies on hand for snacks. Do not skip meals. Just choose healthy options. Stop eating when you feel full.
Do not deprive yourself. I am a big fan of eating what you want. If you want to eat a cookie eat it. But do not eat to many. Watch your calories and portions. If you deprive yourself of your favorite foods, especially while dieting then you want to over indulge when you get a chance to eat it.
Drink plenty of water. Sometimes when we feel hungry we are actually thirsty. When you feel hungry drink some water first and see if you are still hungry. Water also helps to flush the toxins out of your body and help you stay hydrated.
Click Here to Visit