Showing posts with label Behavior modification. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Behavior modification. Show all posts

Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Beating Homework Struggles Forever



Homework causes more headaches for parents than it does for children. Some parents worry because their children don't seem to do enough while others are concerned because they do too much.
But for many parents homework is that time of the day when they routinely harass, hassle and harangue their child to JUST DO YOUR HOMEWORK!
Okay, what to do?
The first step is to know the homework policy of your children's school and understand what is expected of you as a parent. Most school's have parent interviews and information sessions at the start of the new year so make sure next year you get a good handle on how your children's teacher expects you to assist your child.
It is also useful to find out what your children's teacher will do if your child doesn't complete set tasks. Homework is basically an agreement between a teacher and a child so it should be up to the teacher to ensure the homework is completed. That means the teacher becomes 'the bad guy' and puts some consequence in place if the homework is not completed. Your role as a parent is to support the school if a consequence is put in place, such as missing some recess to complete or whatever.
Parents need to be mindful that it is hard for teachers these days as they don't have too many options available to ensure children complete homework.
Here are 10 tips to help you handle homework in a relatively sane way:
1. Establish homework time and stick to it each day. If children tell you that they don't have any formal homework then they can read, revise or organise their work. My feedback tells me that sticking to a routine despite the fact that no formal homework is set extremely useful and helps avoid battles.
2. Put the onus back on your children to take responsibility for their work. Ask children at the start of a homework session to state how much homework they will do. At the end of the session check it to see if it matches with their intentions as well as yours. If you are more concerned about homework than them then it is you not your children who is responsible for homework.
3. Homework is as much a time management issue as anything else. Encourage students to work reasonably quickly and efficiently. Have a set time limit, which they should stick to. There is generally little point slogging away once they become frustrated or tired. Give them an egg-timer or use a clock and get them to work hard for small chunks of time. A little work each night is more productive than packing it into one weekly session.
4. Help children decide the best time to do homework and then encourage them to stick to those times. Maybe on some days homework is tackled after dinner for any number of reasons. If having homework done straight adter school is important to you then consider feeding children ONLY after homework is completed. Food can be a huge motivator for some children!!! (As mentioned in point 1 it is important that there is a homework routine, but the timing can vary.)
5. Establish a good working environment for students. Make sure they have a quiet area away from distractions that is well lit and with good ventilation. A table or desk makes a good workspace, although don't be surprised if they spread work out all over the kitchen table. Some kids hate to be stuck away in their rooms and prefer to work at the kitchen table and can do so productively. Others are easily distracted and work in short bursts. Work out what is best for YOUR child.
6. Use the motivating research tool of the 21st Century - the Internet. It is quick, convenient and gives access to huge amounts of information. Nevertheless, children should still know how to access information from more traditional means such as books. Check with your child's teacher as to their specific recommendations and preferences.
7. Encourage children to get organised by thinking ahead and planning their homework around their extra-curricular activities. A weekly planner or diary will help older students get organised. Assisting children to become organised is perhaps the best way parents can help at home.
8. If you are helping a child with a particular task, keep your explanation as simple and practical as you can. If you become upset or frustrated and the atmosphere becomes tense then stop helping.
9. Be realistic and don't expect to solve all homework difficulties. When in doubt send a note to your child's teacher letting him or her know the problem. The teacher will appreciate this good communication.
10. If you have concerns about the how much homework your child is set or the level of difficulty of homework contact the teacher and arrange a time to discuss your worries. Such discussion is the basis of true partnership between you and your child's teacher.
Homework hassles have always been around and always will be. The place of homework is routinely questioned by education authorities (now is currently one of those times in Australia) but my gut reaction is that children will always have homework. The name may change and the activities may vary but it will always be homework.
I urge schools to make sure homework is varied, interesting, engaging and purposeful for children and parents.
Parents also need to be patient with both children (if they struggle) and schools that are trying to find a balance between too little and too much in these busy times.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Child Behavior Modification - When To Let It Go

Behavior modification in children is a tremendously useful tool but it is certainly NOT a magic wand. Behavior modification falls under the category of good, old-fashioned hard work.
When a child has worked hard, he needs a break. (Not to be confused with wanting the break before doing the hard work, however.)
Knowing when to let the training go and take a breather and how to do that is a helpful skill to learn as a parent. Let's take a closer look.
- When to let go.
Sometimes a child has genuinely worked very hard on changing her behavior and frankly, she's tired of the whole process.
The key to knowing when to take a breather is knowing your own child. Has she been truly working on what you've asked her to work on?
Are there extenuating circumstances? Extra homework? Feeling sick? Simply going too hard for too long?
You definitely want to have compassion for your child. However, you don't want to be feeling sorry for your child. Do you understand the difference?
Certainly a child needs to be rewarded for working hard on behavior modification issues. An appropriate reward - choosing dinner for the family, getting to play extra with a friend, etc. - can help a child stay motivated on working forward. Always, always catch your kids being good and tell them so!
Likewise, when your child is feeling - and acting - overwhelmed, have a system in place for working towards calm again. It can be a ten-minute hug, time in a quiet place until calm returns, or any other structure that your child and you have decided works, but whatever it is, use it.
The middle of a meltdown or a moment of acting out specifically due to overwhelm is a very important time in behavior modification. That's the moment to show your child how to step back and take a break, but without going out of control. A child has to learn how to handle his distressing feelings and then know what to do afterwards. It's not the moment for pushing harder, but for learning to let go and regroup.
So, when the frustrating moment has passed, sit down together and discuss whatever triggered this incident. Decide right then how to take care of that trigger. If it's homework, it still must be done (make a plan). If an interaction with a sibling was the trigger, relationships must be repaired (make a plan). This has the effect of keeping accountability in the situation while still working with the reality of the moment (i.e. your child had a meltdown).
It also gives a child valuable instruction on what to do next time this situation comes up and of course, it will. That's life. And frankly, those are the moments when change can actually occur, when frustrations come up. Guide your child into seeing that this change is beneficial for him and the more he cooperates, the more the two of you can find solutions that work - together.
Behavior modification in children is a practical approach to helping your child gain self-control through incremental change. You'll need patience (you knew that!), flexibility, a determination to succeed. A sturdy sense of humor doesn't hurt, either.
Your child will be amazed as he learns he is totally capable of handling himself and making changes in his own behavior that benefit him and make his life better.
That's called growing up and every child deserves the best shot at it possible. Colleen Langenfeld has raised 4 kids and can help you enjoy your mothering more at http://www.paintedgold.com. Do you know your child as well as you would like? Get a free report on reconnecting with your kids plus grab more child behavior modification strategies today.