Thursday, July 29, 2010

How To Deal With Sibling Rivalry

I saw this article and wanted to share it. I personally have been dealing with this issue a lot with my 7 and 4 year olds. 

by: Amy Twain

Sibling rivalry is almost common to parents with more than one child. Not only exclusive to young children, sibling rivalry even extends even to children's adulthood.

For the parents, if you hear the fighting and bickering happening, let each child ask what their problem is, and ask each of them to figure out some ideas which can help solve their problem. Give them a chance to share their own ideas on their own. If ever they can't find solutions on their own, offer some of your own which might work. Everyone must agree with the given solution and stick to it--so that there would be change.

If this set up is already being constantly practiced and complied, then it's time the parents should stay out of it. If children come to you to gossip/report about the other, answer them nicely that it's no longer your problem and you believed that they could both generate some solutions to their problems like before.

Even you can obviously tell one child is wrong, try and have that child recognize that for himself; try your best not to take sides with either of them. Sibling rivalry usually happens when the parents do not play fair and seem to pick favorites. Also, taking sides only teaches the child to evade their own problem solving skills when they see that someone older is sticking up for them. 

Nevertheless, during those happy times when they play harmoniously together, compliment and praise them for getting along so well. And how about those times when they get to solve problems on their own? Be sure to remind them that you're always proud of them.

Model your behavior as you'd like your kids to emulate you. When you're in a dispute with someone, take note and be careful if your kids are there for they're learning how you deal with the situation.

About The Author
The author of this article, Amy Twain, is a Self Improvement Coach who has been successfully coaching and guiding clients for many years. Amy recently published a new home study course on how to boost your Self Esteem. Click here to get more info about her Quick-Action Plan for A More Confident You.


Friday, July 2, 2010

12 Keys to Successful Parenting



I love you, and I know that you want to be the best parent that you can be. I am very sensitive, and I can feel your warmth, your caring, and your heart's desire to see me happy, healthy and successful in all areas of my life.

I first want to thank you for being my parent; for giving birth to me and providing for my physical needs--food, clothing, and a home. Without you, I wouldn't be able to survive. Thank you for all the wonderful things you do for me. I am pleased and grateful that you are choosing to be there for me

I understand how difficult parenting can be--I did not arrive with instructions. I know that you always do your best with the information that you have. You basically learned how to parent from your parents, and they did from theirs and so on down through the generations. Unless I learn other ways, I'll probably teach my children what you share with me.

To make your job easier and to help you and I reach our goals, I want to give you the gift of telling you what I want and need. With healthy guidelines we can both experience joy, fulfillment, success and harmony.
Thank you for your openness and your love.

The following messages come from my heart:


1. Understand that I am growing up and changing very fast. It must be difficult to keep pace with me, but please try.

2. Listen to me and give me brief, clear answers to my questions. Then I will keep sharing my thoughts and feelings.

3. Reward me for telling the truth. Then I am not frightened into lying.

4. Tell me when you make mistakes and what you learned from them. That helps me accept that I am okay, even when I blunder.

5. Pay attention to me and spend time with me. That helps me believe that I am important and worthwhile.

6. Do the things you want me to do. Then I have a good, positive model.

7. Comfort me when I'm scared, hurt or sad. That will help me feel I'm okay even when I'm not feeling strong or happy.

8. Take responsibility for all your feelings and actions. That will help me not blame others and take responsibility for my life.

9. Be consistent with me. Then I can trust your words and actions.

10. Communicate what you feel hurt or frightened about when you're angry at me. That will help me feel I'm a good person, and learn how to constructively deal with my feelings.

11. Tell me clearly and specifically what you want. That will help me hear you, and will also know how to communicate my needs in a positive way.

12. Express to me that I'm okay even when my words or behavior may not be. That will help me learn from my mistakes, and have high self-esteem.

Thank you for hearing me. I love you!

(Excerpts from the booklet, e-book, book, "All You Need Is HART" and 
Posters "AS I GROW" & "HELP ME GROW")