Thursday, October 7, 2010

My Kids Are Out of Control, HELP!

Are there any other moms out there that can help me with this?

My husband and I work opposite schedules. I work days and he works nights. I leave for work at 7:45 in the morning so my husband gets to do all the getting ready for school and taking the baby and two children to school. I get calls after he drops them off that the kids were fighting and biting all morning.  I have them pick out their clothes for school the night before and lay them out. I have to approve them of course. So when my husband tells me that my daughter went to school again in a skirt with shoes that require no socks. I am annoyed at my daughter once again. It is 40 degrees outside and raining. I just told her yesterday she needs to wear socks to school or I will take tickets out of her jar, a reward system we use. When I pick them up from school my husband leaves for work. We barely have a chance to talk. When I ask my husband what he does for discipline he says he separates them and tells them to stop. He does not use any of the positive reinforcement I tell him to use or the reward system I set up.

If they are caught being good they get a ticket. If they do something without being told they get 4 tickets. If we tell them to do something and they do it the first time being asked they get 3 tickets for each time they are asked it is one less ticket. If we have to keep asking they owe tickets. Fighting they have to give a ticket. They can buy things with their tickets. For example, 20 tickets is a Slurpee or an ice cream.

They act a little better for me but do not do what they are told most of the time. I have to ask a bunch of times to get anything done.  I feel like I am constantly struggling with them. My 4 year old gets really stubborn and does things on purpose just to make me angrier. My 7 year old just does what she wants. The reward system seems to not work anymore. I wish my husband and I could be consistent with the discipline but we are never together for me to show an example of how it works. I try to explain to him but he doesn't listen fully. I love my kids so much but lately I feel extremely frustrated.


  1. This morning like the majority of my mornings sounds a lot like your husbands. My boys 9 and 7 tease each other, fight, yell and complain all while I'm repeatedly asking them to do things over and over. And like you the reward/punishment systems seem to lose their magic. Your ticket system sounds cool. We do a marble jar with good boy stones and I did have a magnet chart that had a magnet for each kid that says get dressed, brush teeth, etc. and a metal bulletin board labeled one side do it. And the other did it, so they moved their magnets from one side to the other as they complete each task. I think switching the way you measure the kids accomplishments every couple of weeks might make it more appealing to them. Do for 3 weeks, then maybe marbles, or a a sticker chart or colored in bar graph would maybe keep them interested. I find that rewards that are more instant or come sooner help too. Like if they are ready by a certain time they can play a quick game, or have a special coloring page to do?? But your right. If your husband isn't consistent or doing the same thing you do it doesn't help the situation.

  2. My husband is the same way and I have to give him a pep talk to remind him we are a team and that what he does or doesn't do affects me too! It works sometimes! Maybe hide the shoes that she shouldn't wear. A kitchen timer is helpful too. Give each task a timed amount and if they finish before the buzzer they earn a point. My boys were terrible this morning and I'm thinking of having my younger one get ready in our bathroom away from his brother. I'm running out of tricks! I try and look at the big picture, that things change so fast, but my nerves are shot right now. I once heard a quote that getting your family out the door in the morning should be an Olympic event! So true. good Luck and just remember we're not perfect and as parents we do the best that we can!